this is how romantic i am:
he is not my missing piece. if i am missing pieces of myself it is not because they are going to be found in other people. he is my partner, he pushes me to be better at the things i want to be better at but sometimes don’t want to try harder at. he compliments me. he complements me, but not because i am lonely or have metaphorical holes that his oul fills or physical holes that his dick fills. i am his and i am a bitch, but i am nobody’s bitch.
also i am realizing that the boys that do not pressure you into being not-you are the ones who are not romantic in a narrative way and do not have some epic love story they wrote for themselves years before they met you that you am filling a part in. no one should ever do that to anyone else. institutionalized pressure is not super great for anyone’s passionate feels. i used to do this to people, i had this idea of what i wanted and it was so detailed it didn’t leave any holes for the idiosyncrasies of actual other human beings and the different ways that they wanted to relate to me. i gave people ultimatums: relate to me this way or else you might as well stay away because i will either ignore you or manipulate you into a relationship that is confusing for you because it is similar to what you want but not what you wanted! and i recognize this because other people have done this to me too! you can’t have the idea first and then try to smash the square-peg-person into the circular-hole-idea you wanted them to fit nicely into. i know that it is a lot of us tumblr folks that do this - those of us who love story and need to consume it so much that we are constantly marathoning three tv shows and reading two books and watching movies and those things are great but in real life you cannot force other people to act out stories with you. even if they seem willing, even if it seems like “hey, serendipitously everyone i meet seems to do exactly what i wanted them to do without asking them to.” YOU ARE PROBABLY MANIPULATING THOSE PEOPLE. i do not say this to make you feel bad about yourself, because “omg manipulating people is bad!” i’m saying it because it’s okay if you just let people be what they want to be in your life. just look out and make sure you’re paying attention to what people want and not just what you want them to want.
he calls me “charming” but what he means is that i get people to go my way every time. no one should get their way all the time. you will go from being a teenage asshole to an adult asshole like me and suddenly it’s “how did i get here?”
so if you have ever had the thought “wow, i am so romantic/controlling that i have fucked up the lives of other people around me (at least temporarily).” it’s okay if you stop. people will still like you even if you don’t try to force them to. (pro tip: they will actually like you more)